What I think about when I’m running*

Image shared on Pixabay with a Creative Commons public domain licence

1. Let’s do this!
2. *looks at the smoky haze from orchard burn offs hanging over the Heretaunga Plains* Nice day for a run then.
3. Are we there yet?
4. If I’m running y kilometres today and I’ve already run x kilometres then I’m x/y of the way through my run which is z%.
5. We are not there yet.
6. Why is this so easy / hard today? #runningisrandom
7. Tawhirimatea, why must you always blow wind into my face?! *shakes fist*
8. Man, it’s hot!  I wish there was a breeze on my face…
9. Why am I doing this again?
10. Are we there yet?
11. *recalculates 3*
12. We are still not there yet.
13. I wish I’d stayed fit in my 20s and 30s…
14. Dog owners, if you insist on having your dogs off the leads (despite all the signs telling you to keep them on) you should at least make sure they are under control.  Don’t let them rush at cyclists, walkers and ME and then yell at them.  It’s your fault, not theirs. #eejits
15. I love this song! *sings along out loud*
16. Why is there so much Burt Bacharach on my running playlist?
17. When I get home I’m going to eat (insert fatty food here) and (insert salty food here) and (insert sweet food here).
18. I wonder why I’m not losing weight with all this running?
19. I’m pretty sure 17 and 18 are in no way related.
20. We must be there soon.
21. Gah! Why can’t all these people just keep left like we do on the roads. #itsnothardpeople
22. Midges! *runs like Phoebe to keep from swallowing any*
23. Ugh, swallowed a midge. *composes witty hashtags to use when sharing story with running friends* #buglife #mouthbreather #paleodiet
24. Ooh, this song is used for a bicep track at Pump. *starts doing bicep curls while running*
25. I hope there is no one behind me that saw that ^.
26. *composes thoughtful, insightful and inspiring blog post in head*
27. I hope I remember that ^ when I get home.
28. Are we there yet?
29. *recalculates 3*
30. Nope, we are still not there yet.
31. *flips the bird* I know my face is scarlet and I look like I’m in pain, but it’s rude to stare.
32. Aaargh! Dear cyclists, please give me a warning when you are about to pass me, I do not have eyes in the back of my head!
33. Today is the day I am going to nail the clapping rhythm in U2’s Sweetest Thing.
34. Nope.  Still couldn’t do it.
35. Seriously, why am I doing this again?
36. I hope that swan that has pulled itself up to its full height (which has made it as tall as me) and has a touch of prehistoric aggression in its beady eyes, stays on its own side of the path.
37. Phew, made it past the swan!
38. I can see the car!
39. Why are my last 3 kilometres always my fastest?
40. We’re here!

*with apologies to Haruki Murakami and Raymond Carver